She Walked Away

calmly collecting critters

I've had Lys the longest. She was abandoned at a 24hour emergency veterinary hospital after being attacked by a pack of beagles. She then went to 2 different homes before I was asked by a friend if I would take her. If I didn't, she would likely have to be put down.

She was declawed (which I would never do) before she was abandoned and has angry scars on her belly. Other than that, I am about the only person she will tolerate - and even then she can only stand small doses of attention.

Fnn came next. I had taken Olive into a pet store where a local shelter had adoptable cats in cages. This silly one-eyed cat was obsessed with getting to Olive and stuck his legs out of the cage at least three inches further than they ever should have reached. Eight months old, the store clerk said no one wanted a big cat with one eye when there were adorable, tiny kittens right next to him. Yes, the kittens were adorable, but they weren't obsessed with my dog.

I went back for him the next day. He was Olive's cat, really, and he stuck by her day and night until her last day.

Wilson sat under my table at a Humane Society adoption event as I painted portraits of dogs. I decided that if he was still at the shelter a month later (which would never happen), I would adopt him. He was adopted and returned twice in the next 4 weeks, and I took Olive to meet him and brought him home on the very day I had committed to.

I have never regretted that decision. Having Wilson when Olive succumbed to cancer rapidly and unexpectedly softened the blow in a way that only dog owners might completely understand. This dog is not for everyone, but I am glad he is for me.

Parker showed up rather unexpectedly. As I prepared to start my last semester of graduate school, I knew I would be home more than previous months and years, as most of my work could be done from home. The Humane Society acquired Parker who had been surrendered in another county (with another name) by her 'owners'. The story is slightly murky, and I don't like to go into details because of the horrific things that happened to her. She is a dog that would never have been adoptable and most shelters would have put her down.

She had a fantastic foster home, and frankly, the Humane Society knew I was a sucker for a German Shepherd Dog -- well, maybe just a sucker. Parker is a project and still has a long way to go, but her nightmare is behind her and I will do whatever is necessary to keep her healthy and allow her to just be a dog.

If, as you read this, you wonder if I would be interested in adopting a puppy or a kitten, the answer is no. It's a zoo in here. What I might want is a new vacuum cleaner.

and then there is this:

"the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."

Kerouac

hurry, hurry

It's almost May. In Indianapolis, it is time to go to the track. I will be there Saturday, sketching dogs for donations to the Humane Society. It is a great day to spend with dogs of all kinds, but sadly mine stay home.

My brother Brad (also in the photograph with yours truly) has this painting. I was looking through old images and missing spending time in the studio.

In just a week or so, I will be finished teaching for the summer and I will have completed all of my own coursework for my MLS. I need to plan today for painting then, so that my exhaustion and change of circumstance will not leave me unable to move. It could happen.

Dogs to walk, paintings to paint, plans to make. I will take a short camping and hiking trip with the dogs so that I can introduce them to backpacks and determine how they will fit in my tent. I need to leave the phone and computer (and the cats) at home and sleep on the ground before the bugs get too unbearable.

Today I had a small and secret surprise that made my day. It was like a cool breeze on a hot and humid afternoon.

 

only two dogs could do this

Parker spotted someone walking in the sidewalk across the street.

It is unclear if Wilson reacted to Parker, or if he saw the same person on the sidewalk.

It was early and late at the same time. Early to be out with the dogs, late for me to get to campus. My students would be presenting their final projects for critique and I would be happy to conclude the semester and see if they had absorbed more than it appeared most days.

I was distracted. I looked to the side of the house as Parker raced toward me and Wilson raced toward the front of the fence.

And then, as if in slow motion: CRASH!

It was fast, it was loud. It was a head-on collision right out of a glossary.

I had to quickly check for missing teeth and blood. I had to run my hands over each dog to see if my touch produced a yelp. Everything seemed okay. I took the dogs inside, offered them treats (which they took), and headed out to school.

Driving home after class my mind jumped from conclusion to conclusion. I hurried out of the car and darted through the yard. The same yard where the crash had taken place.

As soon as I heard the familiar barking and whining welcoming me home, I burst into tears.

Update!

Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought that if I just admitted my carelessness, I might find my flash drive.

I took a deep breath and searched through my purse again and found it.

Interestingly enough, I am convinced it was not there the many, many times I searched and emptied my purse earlier today. I really and truly believe it was placed there by fairies of some kind and I will give serious thought to the lesson I should learn from today -  just as soon as I complete the semester.

 

 

What goes around comes around...

It was bound to happen sooner or later, and today it happened. Whether it happened sooner or later remains to be seen.

I have misplaced the flash drive on which I had the most recent (and comprehensive) revision of my final project for one of my classes.

I don't care much that my name, address and phone number are also on the device- in the form of a resume. I don't even know what else is on it.

One thing is certain, I will never again ridicule anyone who leaves their flash drive in the library. I have retraced my steps and turned upside down my house, my car, my purse, my bookbag. I have called everyone I have seen since I remember having last seen my 4GB treasure.

Today I re-wrote much of what I needed to on the paper. Perhaps it is even better than the one I lost. I will likely be awake all night writing, trying to complete something worthwhile before I need to submit it. Never again will I fail to save important work many times and quickly. Blaming my problem on my erratic schedule isn't going to suffice - I screwed up and I am the only one to blame AND the only one who can fix it.

 

And so...

I have been thinking about lists a lot lately. In fact, I have assigned myself the task of starting two lists before I go to bed tonight (and I am tempted to do that right now and it is still light outside).

The two lists I need to start must be physical lists which I can hang on the fridge or carry around in my purse. I must check things off of one and continue to recognize items that need to be added to the other.

My two lists:

THINGS I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED

and

THINGS I MUST DO WHILE I DO NOT YET HAVE A JOB

It is important to point out that in some cases things will be crossed off of one list only to be added to the other. Clean out the garage, for example, should be placed on the "to do" list and quickly crossed off and added to the other. But then again... I may want to make the accomplishment list only about things for which I should be proud and things about which I need to remind myself were not automatic or easy.

In three weeks I will be able to add "Earned Master's Degree" to the first list. I'm not convinced that cleaned out the garage really belongs on the same list. I will have more time for reflection over the summer than I would like to have - unless I a fortunate enough to secure a full time job soon.

My academic advisor in art school told me 7 years ago that it would take me 10 years to finish my BFA the way I was going about it. Today, that advisor is my very dear friend and I love to remind her that when she told me it would take me 10 years (and she rolled her eyes at me, too), she was wrong. Not only did I finish in 5, but I also finished graduate school in another 2.

And so... I will add to my list of accomplishments that I made a wonderful friend in my academic advisor, and that we're even better friends for my letting her words motivate me rather than discourage me. If you're reading this (she knows who she is), this post will come as no surprise. I hope that by knowing me, your life is better. For knowing you, mine is much better.

I am starting my lists now and look forward to a good night's sleep. The new week beckons and I need to be ready!

 

 

Almost...

I submitted my final project for one class today. I have to address the peer review for the final project for anotherclass and my Directed Readings project is nearly finished. I will submit it on April 30.

It is hard to believe that I have been a college student for the past 7 years. One BFA and one MLS later, I am incredibly poor, incredibly informed, and incredibly happy.

My mantra for today is to just say YES!

 

 

 

Fear of the Unknown

I have a pretty overwhelming fear of the unknown at the moment. I began looking for jobs in December and took only online courses my last semester of graduate school so that I would not be in this predicament. To date I have not had a single interview. I was hired as adjunct faculty without applying or interviewing for the position - so I guess that speaks to my reputation.

I have applied for about 35 jobs, some library-specific, most not.

One thing about fear, for me anyway, is to not give it good footing. I am a contingency planner at the moment, and that should keep the unknown away a little longer.

One of my contingency plans is the new creativity workshop business I have started with an associate. More on that later, or you could request more information and I'll send it to you, but it is keeping me busy and prepared for not being employed full-time. If I am lucky enough to have a full-time job, I can still do this as well.

We had our premier worshop last week. Here are some images:

Things are coming together nicely on that front. Take that, fear.

In the meantime, I have not stopped looking and applying for jobs. I am nothing if not resilient. I am wrapping up my teaching for the semester, as well as my own coursework for my Master's Degree. And if I do have more time on my hands than I would like to have this summer, I have a house that has suffered for years as I worked two and three jobs and completed my BFA and my MLS. Watch out, eBay and ETSY accounts, you're about to get busy.

And finally, if there was ever a doubt that I knew how to cope with fear, rest assured I have my own army and cheerleading squad.

 

 

Tulip Thief

I don't have too many tulips. It seems that most of the time I have at least one dog who digs up anything I take the time to plant. I also haven't spent much time worrying about the aesthetics of my yard over the last several years. School and work have left me little time for much more than poison ivy control and keeping the grass below 18" tall.

I love the tulips, though. The few that I have are very much appreciated. I am not happy when I walk outside and see this:

And then, upon further investigation, this:

At least now I know why the dogs were so emphatic about being let out in the morning. I had missed seeing the thief in the act, but I can't really blame him or her.