She Walked Away

Unintentional

Early August last year was my last post.

I finally found a job and started working in mid-December. I am still working in that job, but it is not working out well at all.

A former relationship has restarted and was going well until yesterday. It seems I should keep myself on high alert for what not to do. There is a very bi-polar aspect to personal relationships - I am striving to attain a bit more yin-yang. Some balance and confidence would be great.

 

 

 

 

Still Job Searching

That is all.

Whirlwind...

I'm on to my next - as of yet, undefined - adventure.

I knew it was a risk going to work for a new company, and sure enough, after 6 months, I am actively looking for a job.

My employment ended Friday afternoon. Since then, I have slept in once, been to dinner and a movie with my folks (Finding Vivian Maier - go see it), met a friend for coffee, biked to meet another friend for a beer, honored my commitment to actively job search for at least 2 hours a day on weekdays, rode my bike to the polling place and voted (my right, my responsibility), fixed my washing machine, cleaned out the fridge, started the overhaul of the house, honored my 100 happy days challenge, mowed the yard, updated all my social networking profiles, and now, posting on my blog.

How did I do this when I was working 50-60 hours a week?

 

 

 

 

Glorious Exhaustion

I recently took a day trip with a friend from long ago. I had never been in close or regular communication with this friend, but he has known me my entire life, our siblings are friends, our parents friendly.

I was tired from having stayed out late the previous night, but excited to be enjoying a beautiful day in good company, looking at art and the countryside.

At one point in the day, the conversation, I surprised myself by confessing, "I may not be all the things I always wanted to be, but I am happy. Really happy. And it is incredible."

 

 

 

 

Spring is the Thing

I waited patiently through this, the most horrible and seemingly endless winter I can ever remember.

I wrestled demons.

I slept too much.

I slept too little.

Now, the rain is hitting the ground litle a sledgehammer. But it is rain. Not snow, rain.

Thanks for getting the hell out of dodge, winter. I was about to kick your ass (or the other way around).

 

 

 

Be my Valentine, Brad Zellar

This dedication is found in Brad Zellar's "House of Coates".

“Here’s to the prisoners of disenchantment, the lost, broken men bullied and inoculated against hope as children and eventually immunized against all notice or attention. To the lost boys and invisible men. To those who have been carved small by the glaciers of time and memory. To the fundamentally amnesiac, nurturers of the selective oblivion of the neglected. To the men who keep secrets even from themselves. To the ceaselessly retreating armies of the lonely. To the men who play hide and seek. Here’s to Lester B. Morrison.”

Really, Brad Zellar, why is every word you write a hot steel blade that tears into my flesh?

And, in case you missed a previous recommendation to you, this might be the only blog worth reading, most days:

 

http://yourmanforfuninrapidan.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Unrest in these, the cold days of a never-ending winter.

Over the holidays, my sister had some personal issues gang up on her all at once - leaving her feeling unsafe and vulnerable. My advice to her - because she asked - was to look at the part or parts of her life that she still had control over, and focus on that. 

I find myself in a different but similar circumstance to hers several months ago. Nothing seems to be working and I am desperately clutching at anything I think might be permanent or at least temporarily stable.

I do not have studio space in which to paint at the moment, but I have devised a painting assignment for myself and am preparing to start painting with oils as soon as the weather breaks a little.

This winter has been particularly hard and I am not handling the constant snow, below zero temperatures, and cabin fever associated with it. My roof still has one of the three trees that fell on it in early January frozen into the ice dam. The few days the temperature was above freezing were not enough to resolve the situation, or even to allow me to pull the tree off of the roof to prevent further damage (or even to assess the damage already done.

The good things: My pets are always happy to see me. I have a place to sleep. I have select friends who check in on my from time to time. Not that I need help, really, but I like the connection.

 

Still here...

I am working on a new name for this blog (damned if there isn't a Lois the Librarian on blogspot).

Librarian doesn't really define me these days anyway. I am working in archives management, and I have a gnawing in the pit of my stomach for time and space to paint.

I'll be back shortly. Hopefully with a clever new moniker.

 

 

...

Catching Up, Priorities and Options

I just realized how long it has been since a post.

One of my friends with cancer has already died. While a somber and reflective occasion, it provided time with people I don't see often enough and the sharing of really nice memories with so many people.

Never take for granted your life. Or your friends and your family. Choose wisely.

Because my job continues to drag the life out of my soul, kicking and screaming, I am re-evaluating my options. I am grateful for a job, but anxious to find something more fulfilling, or at the very least, ess stressful and time-consuming.

Stay tuned for details on the purging process. For now I am content to get paid for my misery, but my feet itch for the next installment of "how to pay your bills."